On Appreciating Bad Things When they Come Your Way

I went last year on annual check-ups. My rheumatologist advised to check with a few other doctors to see if there is a cause for my allergic purpura to start giving me problems. So I did and one after another the doctors were saying that I am very healthy person. Pleased by that, by the way. So I happily went into the hematologist’s cabinet just for a second opinion for my blood test results. Unfortunately, as soon as he saw the allergic reaction he just said: We’re going to admit you to the hospital for a few days. What a shock! I tried to convince him that I am ok, that I don’t really need to be in the hospital but it didn’t work. Anyway, the following 4 days some more tests were performed, additional doctors were visited, even more results to analyse. The good news is that even though I didn’t want to do it I started feeling much, much better. Before, I had some days where I didn’t have any energy at all, or willingness to do my work. And now I know where it came from. As a result, this extra energy that came with the treatment was quickly used for my 101 to-do tasks and in just being happy that when you go into a hospital you go there to get better. I think that’s what hospitals need to be built for. The best part is that I even got the time, the mood and the energy to walk for an hour a day without being exhausted after that.  Looking back at this experience, when you expect good things to happen, good things happen! When they were checking me out of the hospital today my doctor confirmed with me that the type of allergic purpura that I have is the very mildest form of all. So, there goes the Oscar for taking a good care for my body. And of course I will continue that!

On going back to Square ONE….

Can you imagine, every time my web site (I have a second one coming up) is just about to be launched – I get a new requirement, better idea, important change to make, new requirements to meet the perfect criteria. And we are not talking about  publishing the web site as a finished product but – the 1st stage only. Then, there is a second one – which is really high tech – what I’ve asked from those guys – is unbeleavable….. and will save me $99 a month…. not to mention the membership web site they will be building for me just as I want it- from the system, to the data base, to the forums, to the implementation. All top notch… anyway I’m not a member of  a number of membership sites for nothing. Besides – I have an eye for the beautiful – from the look – fonts and colors, and backgrounds, to  the functionality – easy to navigate, easy to post, edit, add, join, etc. So, just yesterday – after the what it turns out to be  - daily email with requests for changes and new requirements I told them that I need them to find a way to accommodate all my requirements into a single web site with a single control panel, that I do not want to sign into 5 other web sites to look at my results, to walk around with a list of user names and passwords, to do programming to just have my newsletter and autoresponders as I want them to. I want it all in one place – beautifully integrated. Now, we are talking about a web site which is envisioned to the latest detail and with a ready content and with an installation and created modules and pages. …a web site which is on the stage ok: click, it’s published. Now, it may seem that I am returning to the very beginning with the latest request to the developers but it’s actually not like that. I am stepping up on a much higher platform than when I originally started. And what happens is – I actually retire my own web site without even needing it to, as it is a very good content and functionality already. What this does to me as a business owner is – every time I go back to the drawing board I upgrade my tools.  And upgrade after upgrade – I am getting to the one of a kind – top-notch- state of the art web site. And that energizes me a lot to invest more and more of my time and energy in that web site…. did I mention that I also cut a sweetheart deal with the developers

On technical perfectionism

Here it goes. I had this post in my mind for a few days now… Since last Sunday when I began seeding. This is all that happened. On March 1st I changed over to a new web host. HUGE step. I was literally worried until my web site was back up again as if a real person is sick and I worry for them. This of course didn’t go smoothly and for days I was on edge. First, the hosting service didn’t add my domain to the C Panel. So, after 1 day of delay – my web developer noticed that and fixed it. So, I said – ok, I’ll just wait one more day for things to go well, and that’s it. But no. Every time the web site developer I work with proposes a finished variant of the web site to me – I email back with at least 15 things I want changed. And he was great – he was changing and amending everything that I wanted…until the web site was perfect in the end. But what happened in the mean time was that – I noticed that I do not receive much email. I usually get between 200 and 400 emails a day and to receive less than 20 – it was a nightmare. I quickly forgot how much I hated spending an hour to read my email and sort out all those that I need to email back immediately. It turned out that the email forwarding wasn’t working properly. I called the hosting company 3 times on Sat and 2 more on Sun and nothing was fixed. Those two days were a huge stress accumulator for me because it turned that not only I do not have a web site (which means I cannot do any marketing, any promotion, any blog posts until the email and the web site are up) but I also do not have an email. Sunday – the host fixed the email, but there was something very wrong with how the autoresponders were coming out if at all and all Sunday and Monday this was the issue of the day. Even though it was really stressful to be blocked like that  all I could think of- It will work and I will do even the impossible to make it work. And it did work. On Monday evening- both the developer and the host fixed everything that I asked of them and – I had an email, an autoresponder and a web site. It was a huge relief and a great reason to celebrate in the evening. So, this is what I’ve learned from all that experience. IF you are not technical and are a perfectionist – just find somebody else to do the high tech work for you so that if you want something changed 100 times, somebody else will do it and you will be more happy with the result because you’ve spent more time in defining what is perfect for you than in implementing the perfect. And of course – find a good deal on the implementation

On honoring your introvert nature

Ok, I already shared that I am an strong introvert. And quite recently I was strongly reminded of that. On Monday was the International Women’s Day and of course I went out for dinner and then to a bar for a drink or two. Let me tell you this – I just couldn’t stand it.  The best part of the dinner was when there were not too many people around me to make noise and I was 

On delegating…. the right way

Now, continuing with my delegating some tasks I need to do, I want to do perfect and I allow myself to not be the one to do them. As you may all guess – even though I hate breaking up relationships – personal or professional, this helper had to go. Time wasting and counter productive help is no help at all. Anyway, you may think I got back to square one, just as I thought for a split second. But then I was quick to remind myself: I want it DONE, I want it done FAST, and I want a good web developer do the work for me. So, I started interviewing all over the place. With my experience from hell I was sure to spot the wrong guys right away. Like the one who started bargaining on the price even before confirming that they can do the job or asking any specific questions for the project. The guys I am with now – I chose them because we discussed what I want and they said that they will program one more version of my requirements for my approval. And I thought – that is exactly how it should be. They are to implement my ideas best. If I knew all the tricks (just like in WordPress) I would do them myself. But I know  I’m a visionary and if possible – when the implementation is by somebody else, that saves me time. Time, I am already using on something much much more interesting.

So, just a few of the thoughts that come to mind when delegating.Delegation is also a collaboration between the parties. Collaboration includes good communication. That includes regular check ups, regular reporting from the person who is actually doing the work – about the progress ,the problems that they experiences, the problems that they solved. Also, it requires huge responsibility from the person who is delegating the work .Delegating doesn’t mean at all : I don’t do a thing and you do everything. If you ask somebody else to do the work for you that think like that … mistakes will happen. The right way to delegate is – to be extremely specific as to what exactly do you want to be done, how and when, and all the details. You need to be able to communicate exactly what you want done in such a way that even 7 years old kid can understand you. If there are huge mistakes after that – it is really not your fault, it’s theirs, because you have done your part.

On the red flags of hiring a web developer…

Procrastinating is about: I don’t wanna do it, so I’ll put it off until it hopefully goes away on it’s own. Very unfortunately, the magical disappearance of the things we don’t want to do… doesn’t happen. So, there are two things we can do – we can roll over our sleeves and be very unhappy that we make ourselves to do something we just don’t want to, or we can admit to ourselves: I don’t want to do it and I just WONT’T. The third option is to admit to yourself that not only this task is something you just hate doing, the task is also very unimportant so, you can allow yourself to drop it. But my experience is just not like that. I always prefer one of the two options: either do it or admit that: It has to be done, and I’m not the one to do it. So, this is my experience with my new web site. I did it myself, for the most part – for some very high tech stuff I recruited a web developer to assist me. After a very long period of patience of my side I just has to let him go. Couple of red flags when working with a web developer:

1. If they tell you many times: It’s gonna be done but don’t send you email updates on how your project is coming along even if you email them more than once to remind them, RUN.

2. If you ask them what exactly they have done so far and the answer is: I can’t explain you because you are not technical, RUN as fast as you can!

3. If you ask them to make a change for you and they don’t and you ask them again and they don’t and you ask them again and they tell you that this is waayyy too easy to do and they are working on some more complicated stuff for you, REMEMBER that you are the client, that THEY work for you and not the  other way round.

4. If you c all them during their business hours (whatever they stipulate as hours of availability) and the are not there and you ask them for some explanation as to : I called you, wanted to talk to you, but you were not there. Can you advise?  …. and they get back to you with: why are you calling me at this time. … Don’t fool yourself that you have a professional relationship with them. The next thing they will come up is that even though they din’t do what they were hired to do, you are not a good enough client for them.

5. If you have decided to work with a system for developing web sites and have chosen the template you like and they start telling you that – it would be much better if they host your web site, if they tell you where to get the template from , if they know better that template is good .. for you. … most likely they either see you as an easy target (aren’t we all who don’t develop websites for a living) or they want to sell you their products. Either way they just forget who is the thinking hat here and who is the executing hat.

Anyway, lessons are there to be learned

… which is quite right. For a web developer that is actually developing the web site they were requested to do, I would be the perfect client…and I already am

On reacting to how people treat you…

No body likes it when you are completely honest in your intention to help someone to develop their business and they leave you with the impression: “Let’s see how much I can get for free”.  Even though I give away a LOT of information and advice for free, I felt very invalidated when I sensed that this lady was thinking (for whatever reasons she might have) that I can coach her for free… BUT! This is my expertise, my talent. This is what really gets my clients far and beyond where they’ve been. It’s not the information that I send in the email or I publish on the internet .. it’s in the coaching session that the magic happens.

Rethinking the conversation, I learned two things about myself. Sometimes it’s good to choose your battles and overlook some petty things because what goes around comes around. I don’t really need to allow that request to really get to me. I don’t. I can choose not to. And at the same time I also don’t have to allow somebody to disrespect my experience and ability to make a change.

Also, everyone is starring in their own movie. They have their own agenda, own script and own lines. In my movie – I am there to help, to give my 100%, to sometimes push my client to do something if I see that they are too comfortable with being stuck (with their permission of course). Now, going back to the conversation that  had, I think that – maybe we were playing in different movies with different agendas.  And maybe a reaction from me was not what was needed as one of my favorite quotes rung into my ears:

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” ~Wayne Dyer

So, I decided that my role in her movie will be scripted in a  most respectful way. I send her a message stating that I am interested in helping her no matter what she decides.  With the single click on send I released my karma.

On being introverted and a business owner….

I had a very interesting conversation with a very dear friend of mine where she shared her opinion that my new email coaching program Attracting Business Karma is just for people like me because I am an introvert. While it is right on target that I am an introvert, I just thought …so what? Yes, I am an introvert and that explains a lot about where I gain my energy from and how I operate in the world but is doesn’t say at all that I can’t do teleclasses and speaking engagements or go to networking  events  …or  that I am not good at all those activities that are usually labeled as activities for extroverts. Of course I can. Just that when I engage in this type of activities I do it to spend energy not to gain energy and I know that before I go ahead and do that (go to a networking event, make a teleclass, do social media  marketing) I need to charge myself with energy otherwise I will be drained .. or as I hear others say “overwhelmed”.  But my friend was definitely right – knowing how your are wired make life so much easier  because you just don’t waste time doing things like others are doing them and spend more time with what you are most comfortable with and comes natural to you.  For example, knowing how I operate I would rather be curious about why a person is on the networking event and who they are and what they do before I spill out my elevator speech. Not because I am shy but because of who I am and because I know who I am and I know how I best operate.  My conversation with my friend really helped me remember something very fundamental: in order to be best understood by your potential buyers (and make a sale) you need to present the information in a way that both introverts and extroverts can say: this is for me. Otherwise you may gravitate towards attracting people just like you (which is kind of unnecessary shortening your scope).

On Facing your Darkest Fears…

Everyone has a default filter through which we choose how we perceive the world. That’s why if we keep thinking what we’ve always thought and we keep feeling the same way over and over again, we will keep doing the same old and ending in the same old situations or similar. It’s like a vicious circle where the psychological dynamics of what has happened can predict what will happen. The trick is: can does not necessarily mean should and if we are aware how our default filter shapes our life we can actually choose should we use it, should we not, should we change it, should we not, should we modify it, should we not.

I will never forget how it felt to choose to respond differently to my default filter which is: others are trying to use me. Heiress with the education, the contacts,  and the looks, you can easily see how not everyone who wants to be my friend is really interested in me as  a good friend, great character and pure heart (sometimes it’s good to be modest but when it comes to who you really are as a person, I think not). So, long time ago, there was this guy I was dating. Things didn’t turn so well – mainly because he and I wanted different things. So we decided to stay friends. One day, out of the blue he made sure that I know that he has a date with somebody I would be jealous from. My first reaction was: why does he want to hurt me. He tried to use me when we were together- it’s always in the small things: he was saying that he wants to be with me, but he was also saying that I can call a friend or two and find him a job, take him out on a dinner, travel with him. And even though I liked him, I could not let that happen. But when he showed off with his new date, I just felt hurt. But then I decided, what he does is on him, it’s his life and what he does and doesn’t do is his business. Him being in my live wasn’t good, him not being in my life- mean he can do whatever he wants. So, I wished him good luck on the date. And I not only told him that – I also felt it and it felt good. So very good! Because you may want to hurt me, but I may choose to not get hurt. Since then, I practice that.

On Writer’s Block….

Like most authors – my own definition of an author is: anyone who is blessed with eloquence of speech and a muse. Last night I woke up at 3 am in the morning and I just started typing. Then the pages followed nicely – all from the bottom of my heart and the hidden corners of my heart and the hidden corners of my brain. You will be surprised how much we know if we just admit we don’t know everything. But this was this morning. Last week I was like sick. Everyone who writes as part of their job would understand me. You can’t sit down and write because nothing comes to mind. You feel as if your brain went blank just like the New Word document in front of you. You even dread the idea of starting to write because you know that the muse is not with you and nothing superb will come out of your pen. Thank God I had a chat with my coach and stretched out of my own train of thoughts so far away that I got my muse back. So Happy!